This promises to be a crooked investigation. To begin with Trump and arrive at Fnargl. So far my expertise on the subject has been confined to twitter, but as the Trumpenvolk plant their frenzied memes ever more forcefully into my cortex, slowly conditioning my thoughts until I find myself prostrate before the Trump Shrine I have built in my wardrobe, rubbing the mutant head of TrumpKek I have tattooed on my inner thighs, and fantasizing about our next first lady in every honorable position, I realize I have to remind myself that my marginal support for our Savior Of The White Race comes solely from a state of detached nihilistic irony. So that’s why I’m writing this. I only hope this admission of less-than-sincere enthusiasm will not provoke the Trumpsters, or is it Trumpets, no, Trumpists, Trumpians? … Anyway, the last thing I want to do is fall on the radar of the Trumpenvolk as an enemy of The Cause, because those guys rule the internet, and I have no intention of becoming Jew-fuel for their oven parties. So let’s keep this analysis objective.
Let’s start with the basics: Populism. This has been a target of anti-Trump rhetoric from the beginning, namely, he’s an unprincipled demagogue, feeding off the growths of resentment that have been festering in the hearts of the fashy-inclined ever since they entered the ZOG-mandated education system, where they were made to attend pious lectures on the pernicious influence of their Aryan purity, and coerced into watching interracial cuckold-fetish pornography until their viking hearts screamed out in the primordial anguish of their selfish genetics. Yes, life under the stomping boot of The Synagogue was a dystopian nightmare for every budding pan-European identitarian. But what the hell am I talking about? … Oh yes, demagoguery, which is to be strictly distinguished from democracy. See, the first is where a con-artist manipulates the masses by appealing to their base and rotten natures, winning their support with false promises and offensive lies, dividing a populace with an “us vs them” mentality, playing an exclusionary game of tribal intimidation, breeding conflict and hatred, bigotry and mega-Hitlers, and relying on the popularity that comes from being the schoolyard bully, while all the weak-willed and domesticated slave-minds fall in line behind them, hypnotized like stroked chickens, and grossly infatuated with the erotics of domineering sadism. The second is where respected representatives work hard through public service to win a legitimating majority of votes from an altruistic and educated electorate. That’s a big difference. It’s the difference between lies and truth. Between barbarism and civility. Between hard fascism and soft socialism. But you don’t need me to remind you.
What we need is a mechanism that will prevent majority decision-making from crossing the ever-threatening threshold into dastardly mob rule. In theory, this should be a breeze, considering the vast gulf between tyranny and democracy that we have outlined above. Social consensus brooks no debate, democracy is the very opposite and antithesis of tyranny. Our only problem is the ease with which the former transforms into the latter. Quite the paradox of synthesis!
Coincidentally, the giants of media have recently re-opened the debate on possible filters for democratic enfranchisement. The premise is quite simple: ignorant people vote for bad policies, like lower income taxes. These misinformed voters are oblivious to the fact that government spending is the main stimulus for our economy of fairness and equality, and without it, we’d all be up the allegorical creek without a welfare recipient paddling into the new subsidized housing next door. Disastrous gentrification would be all but inevitable, and that’s a major cause of global warming, terrorism, crime, poverty, you name it, it’s bad. There has to be a better way. Luckily, we have epistemology. Yes, that’s right, if there is a decision to be made, more knowledge ensures better outcomes. How convenient! Now all we have to do is spread the gospel of education reform, because if there’s one thing we can be sure of in the West it’s that education is universal. A fact is a fact: undeniable, solid, encyclopedic. Epistemology knows no privilege. Can there be anything more egalitarian than learning? It’s available to everyone. Well, except the disabled, and maybe the majority of the electorate, but that only proves the rule. Take for instance the idea of a mandatory civics test in order to be eligible for voting rights. Mr. Harsanyi has obviously thought this proposal through for a long time, and he provides a few examples of the kinds of questions he feels are essential to his litmus test for civic participation. Two of these are “what rights are granted by the first amendment?” and a related inquiry “what is freedom of religion?”
Well, readers? Do you have the answer? We don’t have all day. 10 more seconds. Pens down! If you answered, “the right to believe and say anything I damn well please provided I understand that it can be persecuted as libel in a court of law, you low-life media schmuck”, you’d be correct, even if a little needlessly provocative. Congratulations! You have proven yourself to be educated. I think we can now all feel a lot safer in your hands. The benefits of this type of knowledge is endless. For example, if we organised a federal program to teach every Joe and Grace the fundamentals of the constitution, they would learn that there is nothing in the document that grants authority to the federal government to preside over the education of the populace. Yes, if you want to teach your children that a coming apocalypse will involve an alien mothership piloted by a Thetan Fnargl that will genocide the Caucasian race and restore the Black Nation to its former position as masters of the universe the government can do nothing more than protect your right to believe it. Hail Xenu! Freedom of religion baby. It’s the bomb. Harold Bloom’s American Religion is unthinkable without it. It’s enriched our lives with lively cults and heresies for centuries. Sure, the earth is a disk carried on the back of cosmic turtle-riding elephants, it’s says so in my sacred book. Whatchagonnadoaboutit? After all, a fact is a fact, and the first amendment is a fact of law. So talk to the hand.
Ok, ok. I know what you’re thinking. Kevin Williamson thinks so too. Even Ilya Somin is wary of the objectivity of a political factoid filter. The problem with facts is twofold. First, it’s not certain that more knowledge will lead to a change in preferences. Second, there’s no way to be sure your knowledge tests are free from bias. You have to give WaPo credit for giving us both sides of the debate on facts. They’ve tried to give us all the facts on the efficacy of facts. What would David Hume think of all this? Will our philosophers help us out here? Or is that entire tradition dominated by western imperialism to the point of intrinsic and irretrievable bias? Are facts factual, or are they backdoor values? A sneaky method of rigging the system under the presumption of benign guidance? A sham of objectivity peddled by the ignorance of amateur epistemologists? The mind figuratively boggles. Can democratic education survive this subversion of its key tenets of unbiased inclusivity? I’ll leave that question as an exercise for the reader.
The night is getting old, and we’ve only just started. Stay with us noble browser of the blogosphere! That was only an introduction. Not more than a joke. But now we’re getting into the meat. This is where the mask comes off. The gaping maw of our problematic yawns before us. Nevermind that we could reveal too much of our nature. It’s too late to stop now. Already there are dark snares lurking in the peripheries, and mocking voices, they have already come this far, they say, and have journeyed further. We are falling behind even while we race ahead! Cities live a million lives in a day, and our poor hands are hovering timidly over our qwerty, too carefully, too cautiously! Our ordered political lives are lost, and chaos has broken its cover, and now stakes its claim upon our beautiful empire of absolute knowledge, as does the jungle over some lost relic in the abandoned cities of long-dead tribes. The facts? Illegal. Values? Only war survives…
(to be continued)